sheridan

Getting Ready

I was leaving my 37-week appointment when my Midwife, Adrienne, showed me how to get into my birthing center just in case I went into labor before the next week’s appointment. I giggled and said that would be “highly unlikely.” I had both of my girls at 41-weeks, so an early baby wasn’t on either of our radars. I expected to be having a baby in early May, possibly even mid-May given my track record.

So, it’s no surprise that at 37-weeks pregnant I still didn’t have everything we needed. I had purchased about 3 knotted gowns for baby, and had some diapers, but not enough to get us past the first few days with a newborn. That’s about all we had, but I took comfort in knowing that I had plenty of time to finish getting ready. I had also planned to stop working that week. Friday, April 19^th was my last scheduled day of work. I thought I’d be very safe waiting until this week to start my leave, and relished in the idea of having a few weeks to rest and prepare for baby.

I work from home teaching English to Chinese kids and finished work at 8:00 AM. On the morning of April 17^th, I had just finished teaching my last class. As I stood up to leave my desk, I felt the slightest gush of fluid. Being 37 weeks pregnant, peeing yourself just a little bit wasn’t uncommon, so I figured I needed to go to the bathroom. After I did though I felt another gush of fluid. “That couldn’t possibly be pee again” I told myself. But also, how could that be my water breaking? I was only 37 weeks! I texted my Midwife and asked her if water can break slowly, instead of all at once like you see in the movies. Also, I should mention my water never broke before labor started with my other two babies, so I had no concept of what this was like. She replied that it definitely can happen that way, and suggested I use a pad to see if it gets soaked. If so, my water was definitely breaking.

This is when panic started to set in. I was trying to get Braelyn up and ready for school, and also started thinking I might be having a baby today. My hands were shaking with the notion that I was in labor, and consequently I dropped an entire Costco-sized carton of eggs on the floor.  As I bent down to clean up said eggs, I felt a huge gush of fluid and realized then that my water was for sure breaking. I somehow got Braelyn’s lunch made and sent her on her way to school, kissing her goodbye and keeping the news to myself so as not to worry her.

 Then I looked around the house and realized how unready it was for a newborn. The sink was full of dishes. The house needed a good vacuum. We hadn’t brought up the bassinet from the basement yet. Laundry needed to be done and clean clothes needed to be put away. It seemed like everywhere I looked there was a mess and I felt panicked. I texted Adrienne again to tell her that my water was definitely broken and then called Mike to let him know as well. I hadn’t felt any contractions yet, but Adrienne told me they might not start for a while and to just keep her updated when I started to feel them. I wasn’t sure if I was going to have a baby within a few hours, that evening, or what, but I asked Mike to come home so we could clean up the house. My cute little sister also came and helped us clean up, which was a lifesaver!

Hours later, I still wasn’t feeling much. I had a few contractions here and there, but nothing was consistent and they weren’t painful at all. I showered, listened to some birthing affirmations, put some make up on 😊 and just lived the day like it was a normal day. My dad came over and gave me a blessing with Mike and that helped to calm my nerves. He also offered to take the girls for us after they were out of school so that we wouldn’t have to worry about them when labor did start. Another lifesaver! I’m so thankful my family lives so close to us and are so willing to help.

That evening, my contractions still hadn’t started, and it was important that they do since my water had broken. If labor doesn’t begin after 24-hours of your water breaking, then there is a greater risk of getting an infection. At about 5:00 PM we went to the birthing center to meet with Adrienne and talk about a plan. She checked me over, put me on the monitors to check on baby, and we discussed what we’d do if contractions didn’t start overnight. Baby and I were both doing well and everything looked good. We decided that we’d come back in at 8:00 AM (24 hours after my water broke) to get a dose of castor oil if nothing happened before then. I wasn’t giving birth in a hospital, so we didn’t have access to the labor inducing drug Pitocin. Castor oil is a safe and effective way to induce labor instead (under the care of your physician). Adrienne told me to go home and rest, as I would be having a baby within the next day. Eeeeek 😊

Honestly, I didn’t want the castor oil. It’s actually a laxative, but it stimulates the same muscles that cause contractions, so it can induce labor. I was just nervous about taking it and dealing with the repercussions of it while I was also trying to give birth to a baby lol TMI I know. So that night I did all I could to try to get contractions going. We went for a walk, and I used a breast pump since nipple stimulation can cause contractions. The breast pump worked. Contractions got stronger and they were 6 minutes apart for a good hour. At about  2:00 AM I thought we were well on our way to something happening, but suddenly the contractions stopped. I thought I would just fall asleep and maybe I’d wake up to something happening. Nope. Nothing.

At 8:00 AM I checked in with Adrienne again via text. Told her what happened over night and she said we could wait a little longer to see if they started again on their own. We went for another walk and I pumped again, but the same thing happened. Contractions came and went.

We went into the birthing center at 12:00 PM to get checked again and to consider the castor oil. Again, everything was looking good. White blood cell count was good, no fever, no sign of infection, and baby looked great on the monitors. We could wait for contractions to start, but we decided to just take the castor oil. I was dreading taking it, imagining it would taste disgusting, but Adrienne had a special recipe she mixed it into and it turned out tasting a little like an orange creamsicle. Not bad at all! She told us to go home and call her if things started happening.

Early Labor

I felt nauseous after the castor oil, but I was able to take a nap and relaxed for an hour or so. Then the castor oil really kicked in and I was in and out of the bathroom for a hot minute. At around 2:00 PM I started noticing some pretty strong contractions so we started timing them. They were consistently about 5 minutes apart and seemed to be getting stronger. I let Adrienne know what was going on and said we were on our way there.

We arrived at about 3:00 PM. Contractions were strong enough that I asked Mike to give me some counter pressure. I would lean over the bed and he would use his hands to put pressure on my lower back. This relieved some of the pressure I was feeling elsewhere. Contractions were strong, but I was still feeling pretty good. I was cracking jokes, getting to know our birthing assistant, Ashley, and I was very relaxed and able to breath deeply through each contraction. “I’ve got this” I thought.

The birthing room was so calm and so inviting. Adrienne did a great job designing that space to feel as if you were in a spa. Actually, when we walked in Mike said, “I feel like I’m in a spa.” Adrienne giggled and replied, “That’s kind of the point.’ I also had music playing from a play list I had made the night before. The music I chose was calm, but all stuff that I loved listening to. Mostly the Lumineers, some Coldplay, a little Ed Sheerhan, Marc Cohn, etc. Having music that I loved to listen to kept my spirits up and helped me relax.

 I loved being able to move around freely without being tethered to the monitors like you would be in the hospital. I mostly stayed on the bed and found that leaning over with Mike and Ashley using counter pressure on my hips or back was most helpful. I can’t remember the time, but my Doula, Alisha, showed up as well and assisted in the counter pressure and anything else I needed.

I mostly labored by leaning over the side of the bed, or using this big cushion thing that I can’t remember the name of. At one point that stopped feeling good and I was feeling tired, so I ended up laying on my side on the bed, still getting counter pressure through each contraction. At this point, I remember I was starting to feel tired, which was crazy because it’d only been about 2 hours since labor started. I still had so much work to do! Then, I heard Taylor Swift’s “Never Grow Up” playing. It’s our song. The song the girls and I love to sing at bedtime, and I was reminded of them and how much I love them and how I was going to have another little one to love. He/she was on his/her way and I just couldn’t wait to know if we were having a girl or a boy.

At around 5:00 PM, things started to get hard. Contractions were very strong, and were pretty close together. For the most part I was handling them okay, but I could feel my body start to take over as I lost control of my breathing. This is where my support team came in. With each contraction I was flooded with affirmations. Alisha, Ashley, and Mike all stepped in with encouraging and loving words like “You are so strong!” and “You can do this.” I think I also heard “Good job Sheridan” and “You’re going to meet your baby so soon!” With every contraction I had someone’s hands on my back or on my hips to relieve some of the pain, and then I had so many encouraging words to mentally get me through that 60-90 seconds that felt more like a lifetime.

Things continued to get more intense and we ended up moving into the shower to let some warm water help me relax. I ended up sitting on the birthing stool in the shower while Mike sat on the bench that was in there. I leaned over and laid my head on his lap, wrapping my arms around his waist while he rubbed my back and Alisha applied counter pressure on my lower back. The hot water felt so good. I started feeling urges to push in this position and without really meaning to I started quietly moaning through each contraction, which felt good. This is when things start to get a little hazy.

Transition

I remember being in the shower for a little while, when Adrienne said she’d like to check my cervix. This would require me to get out of the shower and onto the bed. Something that felt a little impossible at the time when the contractions were as strong as they were. Walking during intense contractions is not easy! But I made it to the bed. She checked me and much to my dismay she said I was at a 5. “At 5?!” I thought. The contractions were so intense I didn’t see how I could possibly continue like this until I was at a 10! I kept feeling urges to push and could not control my body when I did. At this point, the pain was absolutely unmanageable and I kept losing control of my breathing. I remember hearing more encouraging words and I felt someone’s hands on my forehead telling me to “Just be here, Sheridan. You’ve got this. Just be right here.” In that moment I remember losing myself and I started having thoughts of self-doubt and discouragement, but the minute I heard those words I was right back where I needed to be, breathing deeply and remembering that I was having a baby—the pain was leading me to my baby.

I asked if I could get in the tub now. I was excited to see how helpful it would be in relieving some of the pain, but I couldn’t get in until I was further along in labor to reduce the risk of infection. Thankfully I was now far enough along that I could get in. I got in the tub with Mike so he could continue to give me counter pressure. I had a few really intense contractions and again, I was struggling to breath through them. The difference between tensing up during a contraction and just relaxing to let your body do its thing was remarkable. I tried so hard to stay relaxed, but it was getting harder to do so. I remember looking at the clock after I got in the tub and noticed it was 6:37 PM. I just kept thinking that if I was only at a 5, I didn’t know how I could possibly go on for hours with contractions being this painful. Then, I had another contraction and felt a very strong urge to push. It was then that I knew baby was coming.

“The baby is coming!” I said. Someone ran and got Adrienne, who was changing her clothes from working in the clinic all day. Then my body just pushed, and I had absolutely no control over it. I pushed and felt baby crowning, and without any breath or break in between, I pushed again and baby was out. It was now 6:44 PM. Just a few minutes after I got into the tub. Once baby was out, I hurried and grabbed him and noticed two other people reaching to get baby too, but I got to him first. I caught my own baby! Which was crazy, and unexpected, and it just happened before I could even comprehend what was happening. I pulled baby out of the water as quickly as I could and didn’t even think to look and find out if baby was a boy or girl. I didn’t even care! I just had a baby!

Then I heard Mike’s voice “It’s a little boy!” And I cried. I cried with relief, with excitement, with joy. I cried with love, love for my new baby boy. I looked down at him and just remember thinking he was so beautiful.  Finding out what our baby was, while I was actually holding him, was euphoric. I’ll never forget that feeling, ever.

The Unexpected

He was crying, but it took him a minute to cry after he came out and then he was struggling to let out a good squeal. Adrienne was rubbing his back and stimulating him to get him to cry harder, but he was still too quiet. She had Mike cut the umbilical cord so that she could get him out and evaluate him. I went and laid on the bed, while she checked him over. I don’t remember feeling any panic. I think I was still on a such a high from the birth, that I was just feeling relaxed. She gave him oxygen and continued to check him when she said we needed to call the NICU team to come and check him out too. Since I was in the birthing center, the NICU team would have to come to us and decide if he needed to go to the hospital. She called them and told them we needed an ambulance, but apparently their ambulance team had just left so they said they’d have to come by helicopter.

You’d think at this point I would be a mess, but by some miracle I was still very calm. I wanted to hold him and nurse him, but other than that I was feeling okay. I felt very well taken care of and knew everyone was doing what needed to be done.

The NICU team arrived within 20 minutes and after quickly evaluating him, decided he did indeed need to go to the NICU at the U of U hospital. While they got him ready to go, I was fed a snack and then a hot meal, followed by ice cream 😊. I sat in bed with Mike while we watched our tiny little guy get poked and prodded. “I just want to hold him” I kept thinking. I hadn’t even really gotten that great of a look at him. I felt so disconnected and that was hard.

We decided that Mike was going to drive to the hospital, while I got cleaned up and rested a little, then Adrienne would take me up to the hospital in a few hours. I just have to mention how well taken care of I felt and give a huge round of applause to Adrienne, my Midwife. After they left with the baby, Adrienne and Ashley cleaned me up, showered me, got me in a nice comfy robe, and literally tucked me into bed. I was instructed to take a nap before we left.

I woke up a couple of hours later and wanted to go see my baby. It was about 2:00 AM by the time we got up to the hospital. We met Mike in the NICU and I finally got to hold my son again. He was plugged into all kinds of stuff, a site that was so foreign to me. My babies have never experienced anything like this and I’ve never been away from my newborn baby for so long. As a nurse put him in my arms I shed a few tears, feeling so happy to finally have him in my arms again and so sad that I couldn’t take him home with me. We stayed for a little while and then decided to go home and get some sleep before we came back in the morning.

Apparently he came out so fast, he didn’t get a good enough squeeze through the birth canal to get any amniotic fluid out of him. They ended up sucking quite a bit of amniotic fluid out of his belly and put him on a CPAP machine as well as oxygen for the night. When we came back the next morning, we were happy to see him off the CPAP machine and oxygen. He was progressing quickly and clearly just needed a little extra help to get his lungs working properly. Later that afternoon we were moved into the “Intermediate Care Nursery” which is like a step down from the NICU. We were in there for the rest of Friday and all of Saturday, but were discharged Saturday evening—just in time for Easter Sunday.

Our NICU stay was relatively short, but it’s something I hope I never have to experience again. It was also hard being in there because the girls weren’t allowed to go in. Being RSV/Flu season, the NICU and Intermediate Care Nursery had strict rules that kids under the age of 12 couldn’t go in, not even siblings. Our girls were dying to meet him, and I was dying to all be together. It was very bittersweet when we finally got to go home and be a family.

Despite the unexpected hospital stay, this birthing experience was everything I hoped it would be. Everything that I wanted to happen, happened. That is, until my baby and I had to be separated—I wasn’t expecting that. But, overall I’m so grateful for my experience. I’m grateful for my support team, Mike, Alisha, and Ashley. I honestly could not have done it without their help. I’m also grateful I was in a birthing center, where my choices were not questioned. I was able to just trust in the process, and in my body to do what it needed to do. I’ve gone unmedicated twice now. I had Evie unmedicated in a hospital, and then Oliver in a birthing center. I’d choose the birthing center again and again, even though things got complicated when Oliver had to be transferred to the NICU. I never felt unsafe and I attribute that to Adrienne, who saw the signs that Oliver needed more help and acted quickly.

I also just want to publicly thank my husband, Mike. He supported my choice to birth outside of a hospital and helped me make it happen. He could have easily disagreed with me, but he knew how much I wanted that experience and he completely supported me in my decision. He was also an amazing birthing partner and I truly couldn’t have done what I did without him.