There’s a few significant reasons why I’ve felt the need to change our lifestyle and our daily habits. One main reason is that I found myself feeling disconnected from my own kids. I love them and would do anything for them. I care for them, I feed them, dress them, I kiss them goodnight, and in a very literal sense, I don’t know what I’d do without them. I feel that love for them every day, but do I like them? Do I want to spend my spare time with them? Does it make me a horrible person if I say “No, not really?”
That feeling of disconnect made me realize I wasn’t enjoying my kids. I looked forward to bedtime way too much, and I allowed screen time more often that I should. I wasn’t spending enough quality time with them, and I was finding excuses not to play with them. When I heard “Mom, will you play house with us?” I’d usually reply “Ummm, mommy was just about to…” and I’d find a way to make myself look busy so they wouldn’t ask again.
I don’t believe these responses came from a place of neglect on my part, but more from a place of overwhelm or stress. And when I feel overwhelmed, playing with my kids is kind of the last thing on my mind. But I also found that the things they were asking me to do with them sounded more like work, rather than play. How was I supposed to enjoy my time with them if I was already overwhelmed, and their idea of fun made me feel more overwhelmed?
I hope I’m not the first mom to admit that playing with dolls, or pretending to be a cashier while my kids set up a store in our living room, isn’t really my idea of escaping the stress that comes from being an adult, raising kids, keeping a home clean, working, etc. But, it still pains me to say it out loud. Isn’t part of my job as a mom to play the little kid games?
I know there’s nothing I love more than my kids, but did they know that? I started noticing the disappointment in their faces when I appeared busy. I started hearing them say “You always say ‘Maybe in a minute.’” I realized I wasn’t being the kind of mom I wanted to be, and I knew I needed to change my conversations with them. I knew they needed to start hearing me say “Yes” more than “No, not right now.”
So, to change my answers, I had to look for things to do with my kids that I enjoyed doing myself. Yeah, I don’t love playing with Barbie’s, but you know what I do love? I love crafting, coloring, reading, dancing, jumping on the tramp, walking, biking, hiking, swimming, puzzles, playing with Lego’s, etc. I realized there were so many ways I could engage with my kids, so many things to do with them that would be fun for all of us. And many of them were things that forced us to get outside and be active with one another—the best kind of fun, in my opinion .
Over the past 6 months or so, I’ve made more of an effort in reserving some time out of my day to invite my kids to play with me, instead of waiting for them to ask me themselves. Becoming more aware and intentional in how I interact with my kids has brought more fun, more laughter, and more silliness into our home. And in turn, my kids have been more responsive, better behaved, and just more fun to be around. I think they’ve seen how much mommy loves spending time with them, and I’ve realized I not only love my kids, but I actually like them and find so much joy in just being around them–especially when they’re getting along ;).
If you find yourself overwhelmed by the idea of entertaining your kids, or the narrative that you use to play “house” with them is getting old and boring, I challenge you to think of something you would enjoy doing with them. That way, it will really feel like play for you too–something fun to do to break up the day, to put a smile on your face, and to fill you with energy to do all the other real work you have to do. That’s what play is for right? Then, instead of waiting for your kids to ask you to play, carve out the time in the day to spend a good 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours (whatever you can do) with them. Find the time to laugh, to play, to be silly, or let those conversations turn into meaningful teaching moments. These years are fleeting, and we’re kind of stuck here, so we might as well enjoy it while we still can.
Our neighborhood has no sidewalks, so if my kids want to ride their bikes, it forces me to go outside and supervise, or join in on the fun :).
